How To Help

It’s extremely hard for all involved when someone you love is in an abusive relationship, whether emotional, verbal or physical. We’ve listed a few key ideas for helping below.

• Don’t be afraid to let your student know that you are concerned for their safety and well-being. Identify for them what behaviors in the relationship concern you. Let your student know that the abuse is not their fault. Reassure him or her that they are not alone and that there is help and support out there. Never blame your student for what is happening or underestimate her/his fear of potential danger.
• Listen. Let them know that you’re there for them and willing to do your best to listen non-judgmentally (it will be hard!). Avoid setting up a situation where your student is forced to choose between you and their significant other. Let him or her know that you are available to help whenever they may need it. What they need most is someone who will believe in and listen to them.
• Know who can help. The University Counseling is a good first resource for you or your student to learn how to access safety, advocacy, support, legal information, and other needed services. You or your student can call (518-442-5800) or email consultation@albany.edu to talk to a psychologist about the situation. Equinox is an Albany agency that offers domestic violence services including a 24-hour hotline (518-432-7865). Both are confidential. If your student asks for advice on what s/he should do, share the information you’ve gathered.
• If your student decides to end the relationship. Help her/him contact someone to help create a “safety plan” (see above). If the abusive person feels s/he has lost control, the situation may escalate. Be aware of stalking behavior. Individuals experiencing dating violence may face even more risk when they try to end the abusive relationship.
• Focus on your student’s strengths. Your student has probably continually been told by the abusive person that s/he is a bad person or flawed in some way. Your student may believe s/he can’t do anything right and that there really is something wrong with her/him. Help her/him examine her/his strengths and skills. Encourage him or her to participate in activities outside of the relationship with friends and family.
• Please also see the standards of conduct outlined and available to students in Community Rights and Responsibilities located at http://www.albany.edu/studentconduct/prohibited_conduct.shtml

All of the above suggestions are made with the assumption that you are not worried about your family member’s immediate safety. If you have ANY concerns about your student’s safety, please call the University Police Department (518-442-3131) if the student is on campus or 911 if they are off campus. If you are not in the Albany area, the Albany Area Police can be reached at 518-438-4000.

It’s incredibly challenging to know how to help when you think a friend might be in an abusive relationship whether it is emotionally, verbally or physically abusive. We’ve spelled out a couple suggestions below. Please also remember to make sure to take care of yourself as you’re trying to help your friend!

• Listen. Let them know that you’re there for them and willing to listen. Never blame your friend for what is happening or underestimate her/his fear of potential danger. Focus on supporting your friend making her/his own decisions.
• Know who can help. The University Counseling is a good first resource for you or your friend to learn how to access safety, advocacy, support, legal information, and other needed services. You or your friend can call (518-442-5800) or email consultation@albany.edu to talk to a psychologist about the situation. Equinox is a local agency that offers domestic violence services including a 24-hour hotline (518-432-7865). Both are confidential. If your friend asks for advice on what s/he should do, share the information you’ve gathered. Let your friend know your s/he is not alone and people are available to help.
• If your friend decides to end the relationship. Help her/him contact someone to help create a “safety plan” (see above). If the abusive person feels s/he has lost control, s/he may become even more dangerous. Be aware of stalking behavior. Individuals experiencing dating violence may face even more risk when they try to end the abusive relationship.
• Focus on your friend’s strengths. Your friend has probably continually been told by the abusive person that s/he is a bad person, a bad student, or a bad friend. Your friend may believe s/he can’t do anything right and that there really is something wrong with her/him. Help her/him examine her/his strengths and skills. Encourage him or her to participate in activities outside of the relationship with friends and family.
• Please also see the standards of conduct outlined and available to students in Community Rights and Responsibilities located at http://www.albany.edu/studentconduct/prohibited_conduct.shtml

All of the above suggestions are made with the assumption that you are not worried about your friend’s immediate safety. If you have ANY concern that your friend may be in immediate physical danger, call 911.

The Basics: The best thing you can do for the student is to listen to and believe him or her regarding intimate partner abuse and support them in making their own decisions. Students have a lot of options regarding accommodations and support through the University and can access those through the Sexual Assault Resource Center or the University Counseling Center. Reporting: The student has the option of having their name released to the Office of the Vice President for Student Success. This report opens the door for the student to receive academic and/or residential accommodations. It does not oblige the student to press criminal or judicial charges. The release of his or her name is only to provide additional support from the University.

Consultation: The staff at the University Counseling Center is also available for consultation if you would like to speak to a psychologist regarding a student experiencing intimate partner abuse. To contact the University Counseling Center you can email consultation@albany.edu or phone 518-442-5800.

Coordinated Response To Stalking and Intimate Partner Abuse

If you have ANY concerns about the student’s immediate safety, please call the University Police Department (911 or 518-442-3131) if the student is on campus or 911 if the student is off campus. If you are not in the Albany area, the Albany Area Police can be reached at 518-438-4000.