Sexual Assault Resource Center

Consent vs. Coercion

Consent is...

when someone agrees, gives permission or says yes to sexual activity with someone else. It is always freely given and both people in a sexual situation must feel that s/he is able to say “yes” or “no” at any point during sexual activity.

Consent is not...

Body language: You can never assume by the way someone dresses, smiles, or looks that s/he wants to have sex.

Power differentials: When one person holds a great deal of power over another person (i.e., boss/employee or professor/student) it is more difficult to be sure that this difference of power is not influencing any sexual interactions between these two people.

Dating relationships or previous sexual activity: Simply because two people are dating or have had sex before does not mean that consent is automatically present. Both must always feel they have the right to say no to sex.

Marriage: Even in marriage, consent can never be assumed. Marital rape does exist, and it is just as severe as any other sexual assault. In New York State, there are marital rape laws that make a sexual assault in a marriage a crime. Marriage is not consent.

Silence: Silence is never consent. If a person does not verbally say no, it does not mean that s/he means yes.

Consent is not assumed: It is never acceptable to assume that consent is given. Each one of us is responsible for making sure we have consent in every sexual situation. If you are unsure, it is important to clarify what your partner is feeling about the sexual situation. Consent can never simply be assumed.

Being drunk: Alcohol consumption can render a person incapable of giving consent. Alcohol is often used as a weapon to target individuals and is used by perpetrators to excuse their own actions, but New York State Criminal Sexual Conduct laws apply to a perpetrator regardless of whether or not s/he was drinking.

Coercion is...

a tactic used by perpetrators to intimidate, trick or force someone to have sex with him or her without physical force.

The issue involved is power and control. Coercion is a way of forcing someone to do something that s/he clearly does not want to do. It is a way to control him or her.

When coercion is used to convince a person to have sex or engage in sexual activities when s/he does not want to do so, this is sexual assault, as defined by New York State law.

Some examples of coercion are saying things like “If you loved me, you would”, “But we’ve had sex before”, and “Why are you so uptight?”

The perpetrator who uses coercive tactics knows that his or her victim neither wants nor enjoys this sexual interaction.