Emily Dickinson: Chapbook 33
Standard texts of poems in order
636
The Way I read a Letter's---this---
'Tis first---I lock the Door---
And push it with my fingers---next---
For transport it be sure---
And then I go the furthest off
To counteract a knock---
Then draw my little Letter forth
And slowly pick the lock---
Then---glancing narrow, at the Wall---
And narrow at the floor
For firm Conviction of a Mouse
Not exorcized before---
Peruse how infinite I am
To no one that You---know---
And sigh for lack of Heaven---but not
The Heaven God bestow---
637
The Child's faith is new---
Whose---like His Principle---
Wide---like the Sunrise
On fresh Eyes---
Never had a Doubt---
Laughs---at a Scruple---
Believes all sham
But Paradise---
Credits the World---
Deems His Dominion
Broadest of Sovereignties---
And Caesar---mean---
In the Comparison---
Baseless Emperor---
Ruler of Nought,
Yet swaying all---
Grown bye and bye
To hold mistaken
His pretty estimates
Of Prickly Things
He gains the skill
Sorrowful---as certain---
Men---to anticipate
Instead of Kings---
472
Except the Heaven had come so near---
So seemed to choose My Door---
The Distance would not haunt me so---
I had not hoped---before---
But just to hear the Grace depart---
I never thought to see---
Afflicts me with a Double loss---
'Tis lost---And lost to me---
638
To my small Hearth His fire came---
And all my House aglow
Did fan and rock, with sudden light---
'Twas Sunrise---'twas the Sky---
Impanelled from no Summer brief---
With limit of Decay---
'Twas Noon---without the News of Night---
Nay, Nature, it was Day---
639
My Portion is Defeat---today---
A paler luck than Victory---
Less Paeans---fewer Bells---
The Drums don't follow Me---with tunes--
Defeat---a somewhat slower---means---
More Arduous than Balls---
'Tis populous with Bone and stain---
And Men too straight to stoop again,
And Piles of solid Moan---
And Chips of Blank---in Boyish Eyes---
And scraps of Prayer---
And Death's surprise,
Stamped visible---in Stone---
There's somewhat prouder, over there---
The Trumpets tell it to the Air---
How different Victory
To Him who has it---and the One
Who to have had it, would have been
Contenteder---to die---
473
I am ashamed--I hide---
What right have I---to be a Bride---
So late a Dowerless Girl---
Nowhere to hide my dazzled Face---
No one to teach me that new Grace---
Nor introduce---my Soul---
Me to adorn---How---tell---
Trinket---to make Me beautiful---
Fabrics of Cashmere---
Never a Gown of Dun---more---
Raiment instead---of Pompadour---
For Me---My soul---to wear---
Fingers---to frame my Round Hair
Oval---as Feudal Ladies wore---
Far Fashions---Fair---
Skill---to hold my Brow like an Earl---
Plead---like a Whipporwill---
Prove---like a Pearl---
Then, for Character---
Fashion My Spirit quaint---white---
Quick---like a Liquor---
Gay---like Light---
Bring Me my best Pride---
No more ashamed---
No more to hide---
Meek---let it be---too proud---for Pride---
Baptized---this Day---a Bride---
640
I cannot live with You---
It would be Life---
And Life is over there---
Behind the Shelf
The Sexton keeps the Key to---
Putting up
Our Life---His Porcelain---
Like a Cup---
Discarded of the Housewife---
Quaint---or Broke---
A newer Sevres pleases---
Old Ones crack---
I could not die---with You---
For One must wait
To shut the Other's Gaze down---
You---could not---
And I---Could I stand by
And see You---freeze---
Without my Right of Frost---
Death's privilege?
Nor could I rise---with You---
Because your face
Would put out Jesus'---
That New Grace
Glow plain---and foreign
On my homesick Eye---
Except that You than He
Shone closer by---
They'd judge Us---How---
For You---served Heaven---You know,
Or sought to---
I could not---
Because You saturated Sight---
And I had no more Eyes
For sordid excellence
As Paradise
And were You lost, I would be---
Though My Name
Rang loudest
On the Heavenly frame---
And were You---saved---
And I---condemned to be
Where You were not---
That self---were Hell to Me---
So We must meet apart---
You there---I---here---
With just the Door ajar
That Oceans are---and Prayer---
And that White Sustenance---
Despair---
641
Size circumscribes---it has no room
For petty furniture---
The Giant tolerates no Gnat
For Ease of Gianture---
Repudiates it, all the more---
Because intrinsic size
Ignores the possibility
Of Calumnies---or Flies.
474
They put Us far apart---
As separate as Sea
And Her unsown Peninsula---
We signified "These see"---
They took away our Eyes---
They thwarted Us with Guns---
"I see Thee" each responded straight
Through Telegraphic Signs---
With Dungeons---They devised---
But through their thickest skill---
And their opaquest Adamant---
Our Souls saw---just as well---
They summoned Us to die---
With sweet alacrity
We stood upon our stapled feet---
Condemned---but just---to see---
Permission to recant---
Permission to forget---
We turned our backs upon the Sun---
For perjury of that---
Not Either---noticed Death---
Of Paradise---aware---
Each other's Face---was all the Disc
Each other's setting---saw---
642
Me from Myself---to banish---
Had I Art---
Impregnable my Fortress
Unto All Heart---
But since Myself---assault Me---
How have I peace
Except by subjugating
Consciousness?
And since We're mutual Monarch
How this be
Except by Abdication---
Me---of Me?
475
Doom is the House without the Door---
'Tis entered from the Sun---
And then the Ladder's thrown away,
Because Escape---is done---
'Tis varied by the Dream
Of what they do outside---
Where Squirrels play---and Berries die---
And Hemlocks---bow---to God---
313
I should have been too glad, I see---
Too lifted---for the scant degree
Of Life's penurious Round---
My little Circuit would have shamed
This new Circumference---have blamed---
The homelier time behind.
I should have been too saved---I see---
Too rescued---Fear too dim to me
That I could spell the Prayer
I knew so perfect---yesterday---
That Scalding One---Sabachthani---
Recited fluent---here---
Earth would have been too much---I see---
And Heaven---not enough for me---
I should have had the Joy
Without the Fear---to justify---
The Palm---without the Calvary---
Defeat---whets Victory---they say---
The Reefs---in old Gethsemane---
Endear the Coast---beyond!
'Tis Beggars---Banquets---can define---
'Tis Parching---vitalizes Wine---
"Faith" bleats---to understand!
476
I meant to have but modest needs---
Such as Content---and Heaven---
Within my income---these could lie
And Life and I---keep even---
But since the last---included both---
It would suffice my Prayer
But just for One---to stipulate---
And Grace would grant the Pair---
And so---upon this wise---I prayed---
Great Spirit---Give to me
A Heaven not so large as Yours,
But large enough---for me---
A smile suffused Jehovah's face---
The Cherubim---withdrew---
Grave Saints stole out to look at me---
And showed their dimples---too---
I left the Place, with all my might---
I threw my Prayer away---
The Quiet Ages picked it up---
And judgement--twinkled---too---
That one so honest---be extant---
To take the Tale for true---
That "Whatsoever Ye shall ask---
Itself be given You"---
But I, grown shrewder---scan the Skies
With a suspicious Air---
As Children---swindled for the first
All Swindlers---be---infer---
643
I could suffice for Him, I knew---
He---could suffice for Me---
Yet Hesitating Fractions---Both
Surveyed Infinity---
"Would I be Whole" He sudden broached---
My syllable rebelled---
'Twas face to face with Nature---forced---
'Twas face to face with God---
Withdrew the Sun---to Other Wests---
Withdrew the furthest Star
Before Decision---stooped to speech---
And then---be audibler
The Answer of the Sea unto
The Motion of the Moon---
Herself adjust Her Tides---unto---
Could I---do else---with Mine?
644
You left me---Sire---two Legacies---
A Legacy of Love
A heavenly Father would suffice
Had He the offer of---
You left me Boundaries of Pain---
Capacious as the Sea---
Between Eternity and Time---
Your Consciousness---and me---
477
No Man can compass a Despair---
As round a Goalless Road
No faster than a Mile at once
The Traveller proceed---
Unconscious of the Width---
Unconscious that the Sun
Be setting on His progress---
So accurate the One
At estimating Pain---
Whose own---has just begun---
His ignorance---the Angel
That pilot Him along---
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