//|\\ daniel gremmler \\|//
Chili: the High Cost of Lunching
There's only one problem with eating chili for lunch -
. . . .
OK, there're only two problems with eating chili for lunch:
You found out the biological problem the hard way.
The one you can control is your breath.
It stinks. If you're gonna eat a bread bowl of chili for lunch
You might as well wash it down with a fresh onion
And a garlic chaser. Cuz let's face it,
Chili makes yuh breath stinka!
On the downside, you can't just brush your teeth in the rest room
After munchin' the stuff.
If you've seen the water that runs through the pipes on the podium
Then you know what I mean. You might as well reopen
A well at the Washington County Fairgrounds, pour a fresh bucket of manure
Down the hole, siphon some water out, and swish it around in your mouth -
Heaven forbid you slip up and swallow a drop.
But not to fear! That's why God (I use the term loosely) created breath mints.
And hey, today's Wednesday; you can pick up your paycheck
Which is good, because you have exactly squat in your wallet to pay for said breath mints.
OK, you've got your check.
The next step is to cash it.
$389.75
You may even be able to afford the textbook you were supposed to read three weeks ago!
Heh, no line at the bank window.
You love getting paid on odd weeks.
Suckers.
Sign the back of your check,
Left end - don't sign the wrong end again, dingleberry.
How'd they spell your name again?
You think, 'Hey, this is an awful lot of cash to be carrying around -
On such a large campus -
In such a big city -
In such broad daylight.'
You wonder if you shouldn't have signed that check.
Too late, the behemoth behind the window's got her paws on it.
You crack open your wallet.
Hmm . . . gonna be a bitch to sit on that -
Better ask for a few 50's.
"Can I have 50's?" you say while she removes a wad of cash from the drawer.
She replies, "We don't carry large bills".
Didn't even pause counting the 20's.
Shit. What are you supposed to do now?
"I can give you an envelope," as she continues to thumb your dough
"Yeah, could you do that for me, please?"
"Sure." "Thanks." -
Don't forget to smile sincerely.
'Thanks'? Thanks for fucking what?
You ask for 50's and she offers you an envelope
And you're supposed to be thankful?
Instead of a wallet overflowing with 20's,
You have an envelope sitting in the outside pocket of your bag -
A bag that's now worth more than the store you bought it in.
It's all good though. You can thin that sucker out real quick at the local Barnes & -
. . . er, the school bookstore.
We're off to see the bookstore, the wonderful bookstore on campus.
They sell us books and candy and stuff.
They charge big bucks and anything else they can get out of us.
You know where the English books are stocked
Head straight back and keep on goin'.
Ah, there's your class! And it's in.
A Biography of the English Language.
You can hardly contain your enthusiasm.
Brand new. Hard cover. Just a shade over 400 pages.
And all for the bargain basement price of -
Maybe just the cheap breath mints.