Sexual Assault Resource Center

Male Survivor

It's likely that you never thought sexual assault could happen to you, probably because we are socialized to see sexual assault as a crime against women, not against men. Because of this, many men have a hard time separating sex from the crime. You have survived a violent assault.

Myth vs. Reality

Let's take a look at some mistaken beliefs about male sexual assault and uncover the realities behind the myths...

Myth: Men can't be sexually assaulted.

Reality: Men are sexually assaulted. Any man can be sexually assaulted regardless of size, strength, appearance or sexual orientation.

Myth: Erection or ejaculation during a sexual assault means you "really wanted it" or consented to it.

Reality: Erection and ejaculation are physiological responses that may result from mere physical contact or even extreme stress. These responses do not imply that you wanted or enjoyed the assault and do not indicate anything about your sexual orientation. Some rapists are aware how erection and ejaculation can confuse a victim of sexual assault -- this motivates them to manipulate their victims to the point of erection or ejaculation to increase their feelings of control and to discourage reporting of the crime.

Myth: Only gay men are sexually assaulted.

Reality: Heterosexual, gay and bisexual men are equally likely to be sexually assaulted. Being sexually assaulted has nothing to do with your current or future sexual orientation. Your sexuality has no more to do with being raped than being robbed.

Myth: Only gay men sexually assault other men.

Reality: Most men who sexually assault other men identify themselves as heterosexual. This fact helps to highlight another reality -- that sexual assault is about violence, anger, and control over another person, not lust or sexual attraction.

Myth: Men cannot be sexually assaulted by women.

Reality: Although the majority of perpetrators are male, men can also be sexually assaulted by women.

Common concerns form male Male Survivors

• Greater societal denial of the fact that men get sexually assaulted
  • except for the occasional bad prison joke it is not discussed
• Belief that men are immune to being victimized
  • they should be able to fight off any attacker as a "real man."
• Belief that men can't be forced into sex-- either they want it or they don't
• Male survivors can feel more isolated, ashamed, "less of a man"
• The percentage of male victims who report is even lower than women
• the idea of being a victim is very hard to handle
• Male survivors frequently see their assault as a loss of manhood
• Get disgusted with themselves for not "fighting back"
• Doubts about your masculinity
• Reluctance to be examined for medical assistance
• Hesitate to report for fear of ridicule or not believed
• Questioning who you can trust for support

For heterosexual men:

• Causes some confusion or questioning about their sexuality
• Many believe only gay men are sexually assaulted
• Begin to believe that must be gay or will become gay
• Perpetrators often accuse their victims of enjoying the sexual assault
• Others will question whether you are straight or gay

For gay men

• May experience more self-blame and self-loathing about sexuality
• Lead a gay man to believe he somehow "deserved it,"
• May also believe he was "paying the price" for his sexual orientation.
• Ignorance and tolerance of others can reinforce the self-blame
• Hesitate to report a sexual assault due to fears of blame, disbelief or intolerance by police or medical personnel.
• More often deprived of legal protections and necessary medical care following an assault
• May be a hate crime

Some unique concerns:

You may need special support:

• you may call a crisis line anonymously and request a male
• you may request an older or male nurse to assist in your treatment at the hospital
• you can find a support group of male survivors to help you in your healing process.